In my beautifully ill-informed and poorly worded Apple post I complained bitterly about the cost of tickets to see bands. I have just proved my point by forking out £81 for two tickets to see Weezer.
Weezer are a band I have loved since I was 11. The first time I heard Undone I fell in love- as someone who naturally gravitates towards cardigans and has to wear glasses, Rivers Cuomo is the perfect musician (see also- Graham Coxon). In my life many opportunities have been missed to see this great band (I actually missed them twice at Reading due to helping people who were too drunk to see) and I have wanted to see them for 17 years of my life. When I discovered they were to appear at Sonisphere I considered going to see them there despite not really wanting to sit through any of the other acts (especially Metallica, a band I can proudly say I have walked out on no less than 5 times). Then yesterday whilst trawling through the listings at Brixton there they were, in July and tickets were not on sale until this morning at 9am.
At work this morning I had the page up and was furiously F5-ing it until they came on sale. £35 each is not too much to pay for something I have wanted to do for nearly two-thirds of my life. But then they told me that Postage and Packing was £2.25. Not too bad, I love real tickets and still nerdishly collect them as a memento of things I have did. Weirdly though, when I paid the handling charges were £11. ELEVEN FUCKING QUID. For What?! What are Ticketweb doing with these tickets to make them so hard to handle? How much does an envelope cost these days?! Unless the band themselves are personally hand writing all tickets, letting the Queen urinate on them and sending them to me in John Travoltas private jet I should not have to pay eleven quid handling charge for what is essentially 2 pieces of cardboard and a small envelope!
I bought them anyway. Roll on July, when the sting of the handling charge will be a distant memory
Friday, 18 March 2011
Pokemon- An abusive relationship
A long time ago, when I was a teenage loser, I had a friend with an older brother. His brother was- in my eyes- the coolest person I had ever met. Not only was he in a band but he also had a genuine Japanese friend- and they would sit together playing weird Japanese games on their Gameboys. One such game was 'Pocket Monsters' which they were obsessed with- I watched them play, and loved it. When it popped out in English I had to buy both versions- one for my GB, one for my new GBC so I could trade between them. As a 16 year old I should have had better things to do but I racked up 100+ hours on both games.
Being helplessly in love with the workings of this game- so childish yet also fiendishly hard in many places, simple to play but with a hell of a lot of maths behind it that somehow all works, I failed to notice that Pokemon was becoming a phenomena- and rapidly being branded as a 'Kids' thing. For the first year or so you would see commuters, parents waiting for their kids in the park, and other adults playing with a Gameboy that had a distinctive Red or Blue cartridge proudly sticking out. But the anime ruined it for everyone.
The worst thing the anime did for Pokemon is 'cutening' the monsters- making them as doe-eyed and cute as possible- even in the UK red and blue some of the designs (Pikachu in particular) looked horrible- like an actual vicious rodent that could feasibly pop out of your toilet and put Weils disease all over your face towels. Then there was the atrocious US voice acting. The best thing the Anime did is make Japanese animation staples something that a lot of people knew about.
Once Pokemon was rebranded as a kids thing, I began losing interest. The Yellow version was an impulse buy and I completed it very quickly. The affair was over. Or so I thought.
Suddenly the primitive interwebs were abuzz with noise about the new Pokemon games coming out in Japan. I started to get a bit excited- 100 new Pokemon, and the ability to catch nocturnal pokes seemed like the sort of thing no child would want- but a teenage stoner would love it! I pre-ordered Gold and Silver on import and waited.
I wasn't disappointed- Gold and Silver are fantastic games, even when played in the wrong language. I played them to death until the UK versions came out, by which point I was sick of it- especially as the translaters like to give a lot of the Pokes bloody stupid names. I had moved out of my parents and started working at this point, so I had less time to play.
A few years on, I was wandering through Tesco when I bumped into something. Like meeting an old flame by chance I happened upon a display of Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire. Suddenly, despite being an adult, those old emotions came stirring back up- "look at that red one" I thought, "that looks cool". Before I knew it I was rushing excitedly home to play Ruby on my newly purchased GBA. The downside of meeting an old lover in a supermarket, is that often reality cannot match up to the memory. I found- and still find- the third generation of Pokemon to be the most awful. Maybe it was high expectations, but it just wasn't as fun.
The Hoenn region has a few good parts- the volcano and the 8th gym town stand out, but the amount of water is just annoying- having to surf everywhere whilst rinsing your cash on max repels to keep tentacruels at bay is never fun, they might as well have a game which is set 50% in a cave. Compared to many other GBA titles the graphics are pretty bad, and I was- once more- disheartened with the entire franchise.
Several years passed and I had obtained my trusty DS. I once more spotted new Pokemon in the wild. Diamond and Pearl. I skulked back tentatively clutching Diamond- like a celebrity giving Alicia Duvall a call "I know I've been stung before but it was once so good I didn't care about the consequences". I was very pleasantly surprised. The Sinnoh region is vast, but there is a lot of variety. The snow areas were very good, and the new Pokemon were better than those of Gen3- the relationship was back on, and I got very into it- gaining Pearl, Platinum, SoulSilver and HeartGold as soon as they came out. I probably overdid it when I pre-ordered Black in Japanese.
Generation 5 is, don't get me wrong, fantastic. It looks great, and though very similar to the previous games it has a few little tweaks to just make it that much better (the fact that you gain additional exp from higher levelled Pokemon is a good change). The times of day and now seasons add to the replay value, and mean you will come back to it after completion just to see what you can do in the winter.
But there is a major problem. It is still the same. Pokemon has the fault that it was created as perfect as it could possibly be. This is not a problem for home console franchises (Super Mario Bros for example is still one of the most perfectly realised platformers of all time, but so is SMB3, Super Mario World, Mario 64, and the 2 Galaxy games) as the major Nintendo home platform franchises (Mario, Zelda, Metroid) all benefit from a new generation of consoles- and Metroid in particular is a completely different game when put into 3d. Pokemon doesn't have this luxury- it is pretty impossible to imagine a full 3D Pokemon game, as part of the point of it is not being able to see what lurks in the long grass, a feature that would become pretty stupid looking in a beautifully realised 3D landscape. And the Stadium games taught us that turn based battles do not need great graphics, if anything they become more tedious and repetetive. Pokkemon can only improve, and hope that each time it does it gains a few more fans.
The 'Parallel evolution' is a mixed bag- as much as I enjoy the fact that this whole new region has developed similar looking Pokemon to do similar things, in nature it is amazing (and strong evidence for the non-existence of God) in a game it just seems unimaginative.
The Pokeathlon in the HG/SS games was brilliant and challenging, and was much better than the terrible fashion shows of the D/P/PT ones. B/W gives you- Pokemon musicals. Yup, musicals. Not only are they virtually impossible to do in a foreign language, they are slow and boring. I got all the way through Japanese Black, and once more lost interest in the franchise. I had seen it all before.
I never learn though- so much hype was spewed out over the appearance of them in the UK that I relented and bought White. I got bored of it within the first half hour. Trying to make the trekking through it less painful I decided to breed my best team on my Japanese version and send them over to the UK one, this worked for a bit but I did the 3rd Gym and stopped. I turn it back on once a night and think "I really do not want to slog through that desert". Then I turn it off and play Okamiden instead.
Is this the final divorce? Probably not. I will most likely go back at some point, like a kicked dog. But until then I will remember it fondly........
Being helplessly in love with the workings of this game- so childish yet also fiendishly hard in many places, simple to play but with a hell of a lot of maths behind it that somehow all works, I failed to notice that Pokemon was becoming a phenomena- and rapidly being branded as a 'Kids' thing. For the first year or so you would see commuters, parents waiting for their kids in the park, and other adults playing with a Gameboy that had a distinctive Red or Blue cartridge proudly sticking out. But the anime ruined it for everyone.
The worst thing the anime did for Pokemon is 'cutening' the monsters- making them as doe-eyed and cute as possible- even in the UK red and blue some of the designs (Pikachu in particular) looked horrible- like an actual vicious rodent that could feasibly pop out of your toilet and put Weils disease all over your face towels. Then there was the atrocious US voice acting. The best thing the Anime did is make Japanese animation staples something that a lot of people knew about.
Once Pokemon was rebranded as a kids thing, I began losing interest. The Yellow version was an impulse buy and I completed it very quickly. The affair was over. Or so I thought.
Suddenly the primitive interwebs were abuzz with noise about the new Pokemon games coming out in Japan. I started to get a bit excited- 100 new Pokemon, and the ability to catch nocturnal pokes seemed like the sort of thing no child would want- but a teenage stoner would love it! I pre-ordered Gold and Silver on import and waited.
I wasn't disappointed- Gold and Silver are fantastic games, even when played in the wrong language. I played them to death until the UK versions came out, by which point I was sick of it- especially as the translaters like to give a lot of the Pokes bloody stupid names. I had moved out of my parents and started working at this point, so I had less time to play.
A few years on, I was wandering through Tesco when I bumped into something. Like meeting an old flame by chance I happened upon a display of Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire. Suddenly, despite being an adult, those old emotions came stirring back up- "look at that red one" I thought, "that looks cool". Before I knew it I was rushing excitedly home to play Ruby on my newly purchased GBA. The downside of meeting an old lover in a supermarket, is that often reality cannot match up to the memory. I found- and still find- the third generation of Pokemon to be the most awful. Maybe it was high expectations, but it just wasn't as fun.
The Hoenn region has a few good parts- the volcano and the 8th gym town stand out, but the amount of water is just annoying- having to surf everywhere whilst rinsing your cash on max repels to keep tentacruels at bay is never fun, they might as well have a game which is set 50% in a cave. Compared to many other GBA titles the graphics are pretty bad, and I was- once more- disheartened with the entire franchise.
Several years passed and I had obtained my trusty DS. I once more spotted new Pokemon in the wild. Diamond and Pearl. I skulked back tentatively clutching Diamond- like a celebrity giving Alicia Duvall a call "I know I've been stung before but it was once so good I didn't care about the consequences". I was very pleasantly surprised. The Sinnoh region is vast, but there is a lot of variety. The snow areas were very good, and the new Pokemon were better than those of Gen3- the relationship was back on, and I got very into it- gaining Pearl, Platinum, SoulSilver and HeartGold as soon as they came out. I probably overdid it when I pre-ordered Black in Japanese.
Generation 5 is, don't get me wrong, fantastic. It looks great, and though very similar to the previous games it has a few little tweaks to just make it that much better (the fact that you gain additional exp from higher levelled Pokemon is a good change). The times of day and now seasons add to the replay value, and mean you will come back to it after completion just to see what you can do in the winter.
But there is a major problem. It is still the same. Pokemon has the fault that it was created as perfect as it could possibly be. This is not a problem for home console franchises (Super Mario Bros for example is still one of the most perfectly realised platformers of all time, but so is SMB3, Super Mario World, Mario 64, and the 2 Galaxy games) as the major Nintendo home platform franchises (Mario, Zelda, Metroid) all benefit from a new generation of consoles- and Metroid in particular is a completely different game when put into 3d. Pokemon doesn't have this luxury- it is pretty impossible to imagine a full 3D Pokemon game, as part of the point of it is not being able to see what lurks in the long grass, a feature that would become pretty stupid looking in a beautifully realised 3D landscape. And the Stadium games taught us that turn based battles do not need great graphics, if anything they become more tedious and repetetive. Pokkemon can only improve, and hope that each time it does it gains a few more fans.
The 'Parallel evolution' is a mixed bag- as much as I enjoy the fact that this whole new region has developed similar looking Pokemon to do similar things, in nature it is amazing (and strong evidence for the non-existence of God) in a game it just seems unimaginative.
The Pokeathlon in the HG/SS games was brilliant and challenging, and was much better than the terrible fashion shows of the D/P/PT ones. B/W gives you- Pokemon musicals. Yup, musicals. Not only are they virtually impossible to do in a foreign language, they are slow and boring. I got all the way through Japanese Black, and once more lost interest in the franchise. I had seen it all before.
I never learn though- so much hype was spewed out over the appearance of them in the UK that I relented and bought White. I got bored of it within the first half hour. Trying to make the trekking through it less painful I decided to breed my best team on my Japanese version and send them over to the UK one, this worked for a bit but I did the 3rd Gym and stopped. I turn it back on once a night and think "I really do not want to slog through that desert". Then I turn it off and play Okamiden instead.
Is this the final divorce? Probably not. I will most likely go back at some point, like a kicked dog. But until then I will remember it fondly........
Saturday, 5 March 2011
The Wizard Bitch
Oft-times, on my twitter account, I will spout off about the Wizard that I work with. My workplace is a haven for social undesirables and crackpots, being tucked away in an industrial estate 2 miles from a town either way. The oddest of the lot are
Wasp Eye. If you don't know of him, look him up on http://www.billybullshit.com/ he is our manager and a source of many elaborate stories.
Guy. A 6ft9 morbidly obese lunatic who looks like Dr. Robotnik crossed with Professor Weet-o. Having some form of learning difficulties he flits from giggling and joking to violently kicking the headlights off of a car in less than a second. This is a bad drawing of him, he is actually fatter as you can see here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxSqlBkLJ4k
Gjovalin. A hapless and luckless Kosovan who suffers severe migraines, and is obsessed with Elton John (not in a stalky way, he finds Sir Elton's appearance and very existence hilarious and if ever there is a picture of him in a paper it will get cut out and stuck to someones back). Has a love of Rice Pudding, as can be seen here... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcB3XrzBH1c
Doom Sponge. The lowest possible form of human being. Miserable, warty, caravan owning absorber of glumness. Spent his whole 10 year marriage breaking down due to the fact he spent every waking moment away from his wife through his own choice until they split up, whereupon he began finding new reasons to be depressed. This is a man who happily admits to going to the pub just to look glum in the hopes somebody will buy him a drink.
And then there is Steve. The Bitch Wizard. The reason I am writing this in the first place. See, Steve is 28- the same age as myself. But he has never grown up. Ever. His hobby is Larping. He dresses as a 'Water Sprite' and runs around in caves in his spare time. This is reasonable, a lot of people do this, but so much about him angers me.
His insistence on correcting you if you say 'sweets' or 'chocolate'- "Do you mean candy" he asks, "I call it that because I have been to America" *smug smile*. He grew up in Slough, and spent 10 days in America 10 fucking years ago.
The way he claims anyone over 17 is "too old". He has dated 9 different 16-17 year old girls in the two years since he started at my work, AND HE REFUSES TO SLEEP WITH THEM. This is, to me, even creepier than someone preying on young girls for sex. He has what he calls "The three month rule" where he spends the initial part of any relationship ensuring they get to spend no time together alone because in his words he is "not a smut monster". He lost two girlfriends through refusing to stay at their homes because he didn't have pyjamas, and the other 7 all felt unwanted and unattractive after 2 months of getting turned down. We have attempted to explain that pretty much the only reason any 17 year old wants a boyfriend who is pushing 30 is to get some sexual practise in before moving on to someone closer in age to them but he is having none of it claiming they are all "innocent and sweet"
His referring to himself not only as "shiny" but also in the third person. "Steve is Shiny today isn't he?" he will ask us before saying to himself "Steve is always shiny"
He pays his mum £50 a month to live, pays no bills and has all of his food paid for. He cannot understand why I am so "old and boring" and don't spend my life shopping and going out to parties. He doesn't seem to understand that most people have to live in the real world.
He makes me draw doodles like this
There are a million other annoying things he does, but I have gone on a bit
Wasp Eye. If you don't know of him, look him up on http://www.billybullshit.com/ he is our manager and a source of many elaborate stories.
Guy. A 6ft9 morbidly obese lunatic who looks like Dr. Robotnik crossed with Professor Weet-o. Having some form of learning difficulties he flits from giggling and joking to violently kicking the headlights off of a car in less than a second. This is a bad drawing of him, he is actually fatter as you can see here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxSqlBkLJ4k
Doom Sponge. The lowest possible form of human being. Miserable, warty, caravan owning absorber of glumness. Spent his whole 10 year marriage breaking down due to the fact he spent every waking moment away from his wife through his own choice until they split up, whereupon he began finding new reasons to be depressed. This is a man who happily admits to going to the pub just to look glum in the hopes somebody will buy him a drink.
His insistence on correcting you if you say 'sweets' or 'chocolate'- "Do you mean candy" he asks, "I call it that because I have been to America" *smug smile*. He grew up in Slough, and spent 10 days in America 10 fucking years ago.
The way he claims anyone over 17 is "too old". He has dated 9 different 16-17 year old girls in the two years since he started at my work, AND HE REFUSES TO SLEEP WITH THEM. This is, to me, even creepier than someone preying on young girls for sex. He has what he calls "The three month rule" where he spends the initial part of any relationship ensuring they get to spend no time together alone because in his words he is "not a smut monster". He lost two girlfriends through refusing to stay at their homes because he didn't have pyjamas, and the other 7 all felt unwanted and unattractive after 2 months of getting turned down. We have attempted to explain that pretty much the only reason any 17 year old wants a boyfriend who is pushing 30 is to get some sexual practise in before moving on to someone closer in age to them but he is having none of it claiming they are all "innocent and sweet"
His referring to himself not only as "shiny" but also in the third person. "Steve is Shiny today isn't he?" he will ask us before saying to himself "Steve is always shiny"
He pays his mum £50 a month to live, pays no bills and has all of his food paid for. He cannot understand why I am so "old and boring" and don't spend my life shopping and going out to parties. He doesn't seem to understand that most people have to live in the real world.
He makes me draw doodles like this
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
Farewell, my Electric friend
With the 3ds just weeks away, I wish to bore the pants off of all of you with my thoughts on the original Nintendo DS. It is hard to believe that I originally refrained from purchasing one due to the- as I saw it-pointless gimmick of the touch screen. When I finally relented I ate my words along with several cakes, as I realised it was the finest handheld console in the history of poking things that go beep with your hands in a public space. I have owned a lot of games for it in the years I have had it, but only a select few have held my attention so long that they may as well have been glued inside the console. The games that I feel have defined the DS as one of the best platforms for gaming ever, and have wasted my life, are these.
The World Ends With You.
Purchased impulsively after hearing nothing but great things about it from the Gbatemp forums, it was well worth the hype. A strange game similar in plot to Bleach, in which you have died , have to save the world from creatures that inhabit the afterlife, and have to solve the mystery of your own murder. It has great plot and dialogue, a bizarre both-screens-at-once two battles in one system that takes a while to get used to but is well worth it. There are Pokemon-esque aspects of raising and evolving your pin-badge collection (which each give you special moves to use in battle). There is nothing like it on any console.
Rune Factory 3.
I was never really too much of a fan of the Harvest Moon games, I never really gave them a chance. The spin off series however is fabulous. The first two- though great- are not a patch on last years third offering, still unavailable here in the UK but import it from America and be amazed. Firstly it has its own title sequence and theme tune- the tune is actually rather nice, but the literal translation of the Japanese lyrics makes it slightly strange. It is by far the most beautiful opening sequence of any game on the DS I have played- even when he holds a Lemon triumphantly aloft before turning into a sheep. The game is a bizarre mixture of genres- from Zelda-esque dungeon crawling, JRPG style levelling up in skill with a variety of weapons, whilst running a farm, ingratiating yourself to the townspeople, finding a wife, fishing, practising your cookery, making weapons in the forge, making medicine.... The controls work brilliantly, but I find the D-Pad easier than touch screen only. I have played through twice so far and no doubt will again.
Legend Of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass/ Spirit Tracks.
Any Zelda game will make my list of top games for whatever console it was on. The usual fare, but with touch screen only controls that are wonderfully simplistic and take no time at all to get to grips with. I cannot choose which one I prefer, each have a lot going for them
Super Mario 64 DS
A remake, yes, but with an extra shedload of goodies stuffed into it. Some complained of the touch controls not being as good as the analog stick on the N64 but the only levels I ever found that a problem were the 'fling bowser by his tail' ones. Not only was this game a great way of showing off the hardware but the improvements on the N64 one made the whole thing a little more challenging.
Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors (aka 999)
Imagine professor Layton was suddenly transported into a scenario straight out of one of the 'Saw' movies. That is essentially this game. Part puzzle solving, part interactive novel (which is very well written despite a few glaring translation errors from the original Japanese version). Another Import only game as we in the UK have yet to recieve it, but it is more than worth it if you are willing to allow a game to completely immerse you. It is not one you can just pick up and play, or do while you wait for something to come on the TV. There are multiple endings available, and you can only see the true ending after experiencing almost all of the bad ones so it is very replayable (you restart with your memories intact- and you do find out how this is possible). Also Ice-9 is a major plot element, and I love Kurt Vonnegut
Super Scribblenauts.
As much as I loved the first one the controls were annoying. Super Scribblenauts fixes that and also makes things a whole lot weirder. How many games do you know where you can summon a friendly fire-breathing ridable hypersonic flying invisible pregnant velociraptor, use it to defeat a lion before it gives birth and you get killed by its baby? Not many, but it is just as fun as it sounds. Some levels are quite restrictive in what you can choose (thinking of three items a leprechaun would enjoy was pretty annoying, as you also have to please 3 other types of person 3 times without repeating words) but the pros far outweigh the cons. And it is cheap too!
Grand Theft Auto- Chinatown Wars
I wondered how they would make a GTA game work on the DS (after the atrocious Grand Theft Advance) but they did brilliantly. As a fan of the more cartoonish aspects of the franchise (Vice City being my favourite, as it has a sense of humour- San Andreas and GTA4 take themselves way too seriously) it was nice to play a genuinely fun GTA game. Like the original you can pick it up, go on a rampage for 15 minutes and close it off- the missions are never so frustrating that you mind doing them again if the battery dies (a lot of the missions in san andreas, and even VC stories were designed so that once you were halfway through you never wanted to do them again) and the Zombie attack island is a great way to waste hours of your life.
Pokemon- all of them
As a grown man of 28, I probably shouldn't admit to loving this franchise but I can't help myself. Once you have the hang of it you are hooked in. Forget the anime, and multitude of rip-off childrens products, the games are as complex or as simple as you want them to be. Black and White- though graphically very nice and with a more grown up plotline- are much shorter than the Gold and Silver remakes, and I think a bit shorter than Diamond Pearl and Platinum. Catching them all is no longer really an acceptable goal though, now there are over 600 of the little bastards!
So that is it, I have missed a whole bunch out but please comment at the bottom on my choices and leave a few of your own. I will miss the DS, but backwards compatability means I can continue to play some of the best games ever made. Plus the studio Ghibli game isn't out until November, and that looks AMAZING
The World Ends With You.
Purchased impulsively after hearing nothing but great things about it from the Gbatemp forums, it was well worth the hype. A strange game similar in plot to Bleach, in which you have died , have to save the world from creatures that inhabit the afterlife, and have to solve the mystery of your own murder. It has great plot and dialogue, a bizarre both-screens-at-once two battles in one system that takes a while to get used to but is well worth it. There are Pokemon-esque aspects of raising and evolving your pin-badge collection (which each give you special moves to use in battle). There is nothing like it on any console.
Rune Factory 3.
I was never really too much of a fan of the Harvest Moon games, I never really gave them a chance. The spin off series however is fabulous. The first two- though great- are not a patch on last years third offering, still unavailable here in the UK but import it from America and be amazed. Firstly it has its own title sequence and theme tune- the tune is actually rather nice, but the literal translation of the Japanese lyrics makes it slightly strange. It is by far the most beautiful opening sequence of any game on the DS I have played- even when he holds a Lemon triumphantly aloft before turning into a sheep. The game is a bizarre mixture of genres- from Zelda-esque dungeon crawling, JRPG style levelling up in skill with a variety of weapons, whilst running a farm, ingratiating yourself to the townspeople, finding a wife, fishing, practising your cookery, making weapons in the forge, making medicine.... The controls work brilliantly, but I find the D-Pad easier than touch screen only. I have played through twice so far and no doubt will again.
Legend Of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass/ Spirit Tracks.
Any Zelda game will make my list of top games for whatever console it was on. The usual fare, but with touch screen only controls that are wonderfully simplistic and take no time at all to get to grips with. I cannot choose which one I prefer, each have a lot going for them
Super Mario 64 DS
A remake, yes, but with an extra shedload of goodies stuffed into it. Some complained of the touch controls not being as good as the analog stick on the N64 but the only levels I ever found that a problem were the 'fling bowser by his tail' ones. Not only was this game a great way of showing off the hardware but the improvements on the N64 one made the whole thing a little more challenging.
Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors (aka 999)
Imagine professor Layton was suddenly transported into a scenario straight out of one of the 'Saw' movies. That is essentially this game. Part puzzle solving, part interactive novel (which is very well written despite a few glaring translation errors from the original Japanese version). Another Import only game as we in the UK have yet to recieve it, but it is more than worth it if you are willing to allow a game to completely immerse you. It is not one you can just pick up and play, or do while you wait for something to come on the TV. There are multiple endings available, and you can only see the true ending after experiencing almost all of the bad ones so it is very replayable (you restart with your memories intact- and you do find out how this is possible). Also Ice-9 is a major plot element, and I love Kurt Vonnegut
Super Scribblenauts.
As much as I loved the first one the controls were annoying. Super Scribblenauts fixes that and also makes things a whole lot weirder. How many games do you know where you can summon a friendly fire-breathing ridable hypersonic flying invisible pregnant velociraptor, use it to defeat a lion before it gives birth and you get killed by its baby? Not many, but it is just as fun as it sounds. Some levels are quite restrictive in what you can choose (thinking of three items a leprechaun would enjoy was pretty annoying, as you also have to please 3 other types of person 3 times without repeating words) but the pros far outweigh the cons. And it is cheap too!
Grand Theft Auto- Chinatown Wars
I wondered how they would make a GTA game work on the DS (after the atrocious Grand Theft Advance) but they did brilliantly. As a fan of the more cartoonish aspects of the franchise (Vice City being my favourite, as it has a sense of humour- San Andreas and GTA4 take themselves way too seriously) it was nice to play a genuinely fun GTA game. Like the original you can pick it up, go on a rampage for 15 minutes and close it off- the missions are never so frustrating that you mind doing them again if the battery dies (a lot of the missions in san andreas, and even VC stories were designed so that once you were halfway through you never wanted to do them again) and the Zombie attack island is a great way to waste hours of your life.
Pokemon- all of them
As a grown man of 28, I probably shouldn't admit to loving this franchise but I can't help myself. Once you have the hang of it you are hooked in. Forget the anime, and multitude of rip-off childrens products, the games are as complex or as simple as you want them to be. Black and White- though graphically very nice and with a more grown up plotline- are much shorter than the Gold and Silver remakes, and I think a bit shorter than Diamond Pearl and Platinum. Catching them all is no longer really an acceptable goal though, now there are over 600 of the little bastards!
So that is it, I have missed a whole bunch out but please comment at the bottom on my choices and leave a few of your own. I will miss the DS, but backwards compatability means I can continue to play some of the best games ever made. Plus the studio Ghibli game isn't out until November, and that looks AMAZING
Olly Murs- a spotters guide
Earlier today I could hear something bland and yet offensive to my senses, drifting out of a nearby building. My poor ears identified it as 'Wherever you Go' by small-faced X-Factor loser Olly Murs.
What was the thinking behind this? Seriously, it is as though someone has gone "The world LOVED Gary Barlow's solo material, and nobody groans when UB40 come on, if we stuff the two together it is sure to work". The worst part of it is that it has worked and he is enjoying a level of mediocre success that he would not have got had he actually won the glitzy karaoke competition that he is famed for.
I probably shouldn't dislike him as intensely as I do, and I am sure that some people will put it down to jealousy, but I have so many reasons not to like him. Firstly his simpering whiny little complaints about having to work for a living that peppered his entire run on the X-Factor. There are a lot of people working in call centres up and down this country, and I sincerely doubt that any of them wake up each morning shouting "This is the life I dreamed of as a child! Bring on those customer queries, I can't wait!". In fact I am sure that at least 100% of them harbour a wish to move onto bigger and better things. Yet there he was, week in week out blubbering out of his tiny eyes about how he was so much BETTER than the rest of those people, who in his mind were all living the dream and not putting a brave face on and knuckling down out of necessity.
Then theres the fact that he went from self deprecating normal person to overly smug industry puppet in record time. Within about an hour of one bit of praise he was chicken-strutting about with his best Robbie Williams smug smile on, looking for all the world like a creature that has eaten nothing but faeces all his life and has just shit his pants for the first time and now believes himself to be some kind of buffet producing sorcerer.
I also get really irked by his leaping about and dancing to his bland soul-less music. Those of us old enough to remember Sid Owen (Rickaaaaay off Eastenders) doing his ill-fated music career thing, remember his output was pretty much the same as Murs and he got ridiculed. In Owen's defense, he went to Jamaica, hung out with reggae musicians and spent most of his video lounging about on a beach, being soothed into a stoned coma by his soft reggae tripe. Murs hops and skips like Bambi on a hot-coal-staircase, to the sort of music that plays in the background of the mind of a freshly lobotomised rat. Minus the screaming.
His hat pisses me off. That too
What was the thinking behind this? Seriously, it is as though someone has gone "The world LOVED Gary Barlow's solo material, and nobody groans when UB40 come on, if we stuff the two together it is sure to work". The worst part of it is that it has worked and he is enjoying a level of mediocre success that he would not have got had he actually won the glitzy karaoke competition that he is famed for.
I probably shouldn't dislike him as intensely as I do, and I am sure that some people will put it down to jealousy, but I have so many reasons not to like him. Firstly his simpering whiny little complaints about having to work for a living that peppered his entire run on the X-Factor. There are a lot of people working in call centres up and down this country, and I sincerely doubt that any of them wake up each morning shouting "This is the life I dreamed of as a child! Bring on those customer queries, I can't wait!". In fact I am sure that at least 100% of them harbour a wish to move onto bigger and better things. Yet there he was, week in week out blubbering out of his tiny eyes about how he was so much BETTER than the rest of those people, who in his mind were all living the dream and not putting a brave face on and knuckling down out of necessity.
Then theres the fact that he went from self deprecating normal person to overly smug industry puppet in record time. Within about an hour of one bit of praise he was chicken-strutting about with his best Robbie Williams smug smile on, looking for all the world like a creature that has eaten nothing but faeces all his life and has just shit his pants for the first time and now believes himself to be some kind of buffet producing sorcerer.
I also get really irked by his leaping about and dancing to his bland soul-less music. Those of us old enough to remember Sid Owen (Rickaaaaay off Eastenders) doing his ill-fated music career thing, remember his output was pretty much the same as Murs and he got ridiculed. In Owen's defense, he went to Jamaica, hung out with reggae musicians and spent most of his video lounging about on a beach, being soothed into a stoned coma by his soft reggae tripe. Murs hops and skips like Bambi on a hot-coal-staircase, to the sort of music that plays in the background of the mind of a freshly lobotomised rat. Minus the screaming.
His hat pisses me off. That too
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